Putting on a happy face...

Im sitting here in my living room and I have had a fairly good day. The kids are happy and healthy and played very hard this morning! There have been many blessings in my life that I am so thankful for. My kids, my family , my husband, some of my close friends..... There really is alot to be joyful for. But today the nagging ache in my heart is very prominet. I don't know what the normal is for other woman in my situation but I am guessing it is much like mine. Every morning when I wake up I instinctly reach over to the otherside of the bed. It takes about 5 seconds to remember he isn't home. When I am fixing breakfast for the kids occasionaly I will grab the fourth plate or the fourth glass. Once I even cooked and egg for him. He wasn't home and hadn't been for months. During the afternoons while the kids are outside playing I catch myself thinking " I wonder when Levi will... " the thought trails off beacuse I know he isn't coming home. At dinner I watch the kids and wish he could see them, hear them, laugh with them, but he can't. When the kids are in bed for the night asking about him I constantly finding myself repeating the phrases " Papa is in the Army and the Army needs him in Korea" or "Remember Papa is a soldier and he has to be gone for a long time." At bedtime lately I find myself sleeping on the coutch rather then in the large bed. It feels less empty, less lonely. The rare moments we get to talk to him is what makes our world here at home go round. The kids love hearing his voice and telling them about their day. I love hearing him knowing he is safe. I know he's lying when he tells me everything is fine or it's going by quick or I'll be home soon in an upbeat voice. I know he is lying because i lie too. I had the privillage of meeting with some very wise women who where married to soldiers once. They told me ... don't make big changes while he is gone, try your hardest not to cry when you talk to him, make him believe you are happy as heck. I fail miserably at this. Home misses him as much as he misses home. I cry when I talk to him if I accedently remind myself that when he "comes home" its only for a few months. Today is one of those days that everything at home reminds me of Levi. It's good knowing that everything reminds me of him. It helps miss him less most times. But today it is making me wish he was home here with me and the kids... The quiet part of my day is nap time. And I hear my kids rustling around upstairs that means noise and fun chaos... Time to Put on my happy face...Maybe we will go ride bikes in the front with the neighbor kids! Thats always fun. P.S. It is really a beautiful day outside. Go play outside get fresh air and soak up the sun. It's a good way to put on a happy face!!!